From Imitation to Authenticity: Overcoming Self-Comparison

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When I first read this, I began to reflect on my experiences with self-sabotage. For years, I remember looking around me to find people that I explicitly didn’t want to be, and people that I deeply aspired to become. I’d pick apart their habits and traits that made them so “perfect” in my eyes, and adopt them to create a version of myself that wasn’t truly me.

It took me some time to realize that I wasn’t becoming a “better” version of myself; I was simply trying to be someone else. This cycle of self-comparison had turned me into an observer rather than someone who truly enjoyed the moment. Everywhere I went, I was stuck constantly noticing the intimidating features that others had and I lacked. I’d see someone’s glowing skin, their radiating confidence, or the way they lit up a room and instantly feel like I wasn’t enough.

Having a sibling close in age, especially of the same gender, makes it even harder not to compare. I have an older sister, and while I love her, I’ve always felt like there’s this unspoken competition between us. Any accomplishment she achieved was masked by my jealousy and thoughts that I could do and be better. I’d think, Why couldn’t that be me? or I have to do better than that.

It was when I caught myself envying others' successes instead of celebrating my own progress that I realized I needed to shift my toxic mindset and break the cycle. I started asking myself, Who am I really doing this for? Am I trying to make myself better, or am I just trying to prove something to other people? There’s a big difference between personal growth and imitation. Growth is about becoming the best version of yourself solely for your own well-being, while imitation is about trying to measure up to someone else’s standards. One builds confidence; the other tears it apart.

Over time, I’ve learned that intention matters more than anything. Why do we do the things we do? Who are we trying to please? The only answers that make sense are to help your own well-being and, when possible, to help others. If you constantly put others’ opinions above your own needs, you’re only hurting yourself in the long run.

Now, I’m learning to focus on myself. I’ve stopped doing things for the pleasure or approval of others and started doing them for me. It’s definitely not easy— comparison will always find a way to sneak in— but it’s important to realize that everyone’s journey is different. What matters most is that progress is being made, no matter how small it may seem.

At the end of the day, you are who you are, and that’s something you should be proud of, not something to hide. Let go of the ever-burdening weight of comparison. Celebrate your wins, no matter how they measure up to anyone else’s. When you stop trying to be like everyone else, you allow yourself to just be. And that’s where joy really starts.